One week ago today my wife and I had to bury our son, Lukas.  We have no idea why he passed away and we will never know.  My wife was 24 weeks pregnant and had done everything she was supposed to do and we had seemingly no complications along the way.  We were excited about being first-time parents and were looking forward to raising Lukas in a loving home with very supportive friends and family.  To find out this far along that he did not make it was simply heartbreaking.

Our wonderful friends and family have been supportive beyond belief through this tragic time and we would like to thank you all for the thoughts and prayers as we work on getting through this.  My wife and I have known each other most of our lives and we are each other’s best friend.  We are strong together and are crying together as we deal with this loss.  It is amazing to me how someone I never really got the chance to meet has changed my life so much.  How we got to see his personality through ultrasound machines as he covered his ears the first time the tech put it close to his head and how he was relaxing with his little feet crossed as he got used to it.  We thought he waved hello to us the last time we saw him but it turned out to be a good-bye.

I loved him more than anything even though I only got to feel him kick once…maybe it was a high-five.  We got to take him to a wonderful beach and to a major league baseball game, two of our favorite things to do, and we talked to him along the way to make sure he knew that he was loved.  Little did we know how important this would be.

We only got to hold him in the end but we know that things are not in our control and that God made the right decision as he always does.  We are happy that Lukas does not have to go through life in pain or constant illness and that he will be able to join some wonderful people in heaven that will most definitely take care of him.

I am sure they don’t read blogs in heaven so this post is only for me and my wife and anyone else who might have to suffer through this excruciating loss.  Please know that none of us are alone in this world or after and that love will pull us all through no matter how much it hurts.

J