One year ago today…at about 2am my son was born still.
Just a short time prior this his birth my wife and I heard the worst words anyone can hear…”there’s no heartbeat.” I can still hear the doctors words in my mind. They, along with the ultrasound image of my son lying still are forever burned into my memory. He was so peaceful, so small, so innocent. He never had the chance to laugh, cry, or play. I never got the chance to meet him. So instead of doing all the things most parents get to do on their child’s birthday…we get to remember how such a small and short life still changed our lives forever.
Lukas, you taught me to take in every piece of beauty there is in the world. Not to take anything you love for granted and to truly make the most of each day. You taught me that you truly are not in control of your own life and all you can do is focus on being kind to people and have fun. You taught me that in the grand scheme of things all the little “stresses” we have really aren’t that big of a deal. Since you left us I have enjoyed every sunrise, and every sunset…thinking about the fact that you never got to see one. Shortly after you passed away I was working outside and a butterfly landed on my broom and stayed there for nearly an hour while I cleaned the patio. From that point on I have looked at these gentle creatures with a different light. I see each coincidence in life with a little more joy and I grasp for the knowledge of how you would have grown up.
I know that all the questions in my head will never be answered. I have accepted it. What I do know is that I have never loved someone so much and that I will never forget the lessons you taught me.
So on the anniversary of your birth I want to say that I love you and miss you baby boy.