Ten Years

I can’t believe it’s been ten years. Ten years since we lost you. Ten years since our first son, Lukas, was born still.

So much has happened. So much didn’t get to happen. I’ve thought about this every day for ten years, and I hope I never stop.

My thoughts have shifted as Ian has gotten older, and developed into such an interesting little man. I think about how amazing it would have been for you two to grow up together. I think about how much Ian would have loved to have an older brother. I think about how different you two would be, and how much alike. I think about how you two would have fought, and laughed, and loved. I wonder what you would like, and dislike. I wonder how your voice would sound, how you would look when you were scared, and excited. Every time I get to see Ian experience something new, I wonder how you would have reacted.

You see, so much has happened. And so much didn’t get to happen. All we can do is keep on moving along our journey, and wonder. And we will always wonder. But we will always pay so much more attention to these little, magical moments, all because of Lukas. Because he didn’t get to have them, and he opened our eyes to just how special time is. To make the most of our journey. And never stop wondering.